A Diary of Pain
by thatsyou
Summary: Tony Stark keeps his love a secret. Alternate POV to 'A Diary of Love'. Read and Review!
1. 12th May 2009

A Diary of Pain

Summary: Tony Stark keeps his love a secret.

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Monday, 12th May

Shut the fuck up, Jarvis

I've been better, but it feels like I'm gonna rip my hair off any second.

I haven't heard her screaming like that since Obadiah had tried to kill me that night. Anyway, I think that she's just mad because I suddenly decided to appoint her as CEO. If I were her I'd die with happiness, but I'm not her. Clearly.

Like I said, I've been better.

I promise that I'll try and be a good boy for the next several days, see if I can convince her to talk to me. I almost laughed when I saw the expression on her face today when I presented her my new PA. I think she's waaay jealous. She deserves it for turning me down cold. I just wish she would see what effect she has on me.

And my heart – the one behind the arc screams at me not to hurt her, but my pride and ego are saying that I should, because that's exactly what she did to me when she said, indirectly, of course – no to my offer.

I've got an idea.

I wanna know _exactly _how jealous I can make her starting with tomorrow. There's this meeting...

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This is the alternate POV to A Diary of Love.


	2. 13th May 2009

A Diary of Pain

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Tuesday, 13th May 2009

Who's the boss around here?

It's Pepper. Though, I really have a bad feeling about this whole thing.

Anyway, I'm just sooo glad that I finally had her fuming with jealousy – I _am _so damn proud. Yeah... don't flame me just yet, I've barely started this whole 'Get Pepper Jealous' thing and it's working out pretty damn good, if I may say so myself.

Actually I think I did a great job today when I intended to stare – and drool over my new PA. Gorgeous thing. She's got such a nice tushie. I think I'm gonna grab her, see if I haven't lost _all _my playboy senses.

About today – I'm kinda ashamed of writing this down, but it's all true. She snapped at me, like, really _snapped. _Told me to get out and such. She's never used that tone with me, never ever, but I guess all is fair in love and war. Basic stuff. I really love to get her all flustered with something – I mean... jealousy. It really fits her. Seriously.

Love it love it love it. It's fair, I mean I've _been _heartbroken when she said 'no' and I think it's my turn to be the 'mighty one'.

I have this _nice _idea.

Let's throw a party, shall we? I'll make it sure she gets an invitation. *wink*

LOL at my own ideas.

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I'll update Tony's POV next so that we're even with the other story. Whaddaya think about it? Does Tony really look like an jackass? He's got it bad...


	3. 17th May 2009

A Diary of Pain

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17th May 2009

I play dirty

This was the _best_ party since I came back from Afghanistan. I've had so little to drink that some of my 'friends' didn't even recognize me, but hey, I've changed and that means being more responsible, you know… I'd have to be constitutionally capable of taking care of myself. Right… no more flattering for me tonight.

Let's get back to the old issue. Once again I've managed to score and I think it's something like Tony – 3, Pepper – 0. Wow, that much, huh?

Wondering out of curiosity, has anyone seen Pepper when she left tonight? I don't think so. I mean I saw that she was kinda clouded up when she spotted me dancing so damn hot with Natasha. I really wanted to catch her and ask her to dance with me, but I thought she was going to refuse just because she's professional and I have _a reputation. _

Even though I'm not her boss any longer… oh how much I want to take her in my arms again, like that night at Firefighter's benefit. Wait just a second. *bangs head against the desktop*…

Okay, we're good to go again. I'm such a fuckin' dick for forgetting her on that rooftop. God… just kill me already.

One day I'm gonna tell her that I'm sorry and that I really wanted to get back with that vodka martini, was that it? Anyway, I still feel like a pompous ass for not saying sorry when I had the opportunity. Blew it with my boring 'girlfriend speech' instead…. I know I should have waited for a few more weeks at least before popping the big question to her.

Meanwhile I want her to suffer like I suffered then. I bet she isn't getting all that much sleep at night. Neither am I, but I'm comforted by the thought that I'm not the only one suffering.

Shouldn't have acted like this. My chest hurts and there's a sting behind my eyes. Yeah, really, really shouldn't have.

I'm sorry. But I need this. I need to know that I'm not the only one hurt and that I'm not the only one who's alone in this situation. If love means happiness and only good things then why does this love feel like a damn war that leads nowhere?

Want her back. Sorry.

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Enough jackass for the moment? Wanna see some revenge from Pepper?


	4. 1st June 2009

A Diary of Pain

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1 June 2009

Fucked up

Yeah, that's me. I'm so damn fucked up and it's entirely my fault.

By the way, it's been a helluva day. I'm freakin' bored after a two hours long meeting and the pain in my chest doesn't stop at all.

Pepper really humiliated me today. She proved that I'm not the only one who can play dirty, but you know… I'm glad she did it anyway. If she hadn't, I would have been disappointed. Especially after two weeks of barely talking to each other.

I don't really understand how the hell I babbled just like that, god… I first thought that she was going to slap me or something, but fortunately I've been luckier than that.

Natasha really is a bitch for throwing that line to Pepper… 'Tony won't go to the meeting,' yada yada. Loved Pepper when she said 'Will that be all, Tony?'… it felt like we were really getting closer and closer until – yea…you get it, right?

I'm gonna talk to her tomorrow; ask her if she is still mad at me. Maybe I can finally apologize for what an idiot I've been that night.


	5. 5th June 2009

A Diary of Pain

A/N: This chapter is rated R for some bad words and some naughty scenes.

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5 June 2009

Idiot

If you're wondering why the fuck this 'idiot' is an idiot, well I CAN EXPLAIN… First I really need to throw something at the wall and second, I _really, really _need to stop thinking about what happened.

I can't. Jesus Christ, please help me forget what I did. I'm sorry and I wish I could have kissed her. I'm such a fucking idioooooot.

I spent three f--- hours thinking why I should knock at her door and say that I need some money. Of course that I ended up there, hopeless and nervous and I just wanted to talk to her. I mean… we haven't talked in a while, haven't looked at each other for that long… who am I kidding? Course I stole some glances at her when we were in the meeting yesterday morning, but all I could do was assuring that she didn't catch me staring at her.

About the leaning in thing and almost kissing her – again, well, you can forget it. I won't say a thing about it, except that I'm regretting deeply my decision – not scaring her off, that is. If only she knew that since the moment I leaned in to kiss her till I arrived back at my hotel suite I was shaking so badly that I had to take a very hot shower. I'm laughing at myself – haha.

Damn it.

And purposefully when I got between the sheets I grabbed a fucking pillow and I hugged it. I stood like that for half an hour maybe, until I rolled us over – the giant pillow and me – until I was resting pretty comfortably over it. Pretty kinky, huh? Yea… I thought it was until I got a fucking hard-on thinking about Pepper… More exactly, thinking that the pillow beneath me was my gorgeous ex-assistant.

I suppose you kinda know what happened afterward, right? Here, lemme give you a clue. I got naked… but hey, please don't get too horny by reading this so I won't give anymore steamy details, okay?

So… as I was saying – no more details.

You can take a guess, anyway. No more coherent thoughts for me tonight. I'm so drunk I could swallow a freaking goat!

Until next time…

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Yeah, well. Tony is kinda drunk and _desperate _in this one. Maybe you could help him get over it with some brilliant ideas. Review please!!!


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